Where am I?

Driving in an unfamiliar area, walking downtown, riding the MAX or METRO...all situations where I have stopped and asked (either out loud or to myself) "Where am I?"

I've been teaching, facilitating a group, or giving a message, and gone off on a tangent, or stopped to field a question, then looked at my notes (mental or written) and asked, "Where am I?"

Recently my home has been going through a major reorganization. On more than one occasion I have gone upstairs to put something away, stopped to do some laundry, which led to putting it away, then finding a note that needs attention. Without fail, my attention is drawn in another direction with the ringing of the phone or being beckoned by the boys. Eventually I stop and ask, "Where am I?"

Regardless of the setting, I realize the value in stopping and asking that simple question. To be reoriented is a good thing. It gets you back on track. It allows for you to become face to face with the "map" and ask for guidance.

This summer has been one of sailing through the neutral zone, "no man's land" as one has said. I've asked "Where am I?" on many occasions, only to be tossed about in a different direction. What I thought were buoys, lighthouses, significant sailing partners joining me ON the journey, I have realized were markers and rather temporary.

This has gotten me down.

I've been known to get seasick. On the ferry between Maine and Nova Scotia and on Dennis' dad's 47' sailboat in the ocean near San Diego. There was not much I could have done on the ferry to make the nausea subside, but there was on the sailboat. I found that the seasickness came when I was just sitting there, not participating in helping the boat on it's journey. If I had a job and was part of the team, I felt fine.

This summer has been more of a solo-trip, with frequent newbie deckhands with the names Wil and Ben. We are sailing towards the land of September. This is where school starts for them, and then me. Not an unfamiliar journey through summer; however, this is the first time in my life that I can recall being truly out there in the open waters like never before.

Familiar ports were closed. As one who loves adventure you might think I'd sail on happily. Yes and no. I am thrilled about where I am going in regards to the scholarship and going to school full time. What I struggle with is the feeling of being rejected from ports that have been integral parts of my life, where I once belonged.

This is the neutral zone.

Set sail from one side and not yet received on the other.

How you navigate the neutral zone determines your arrival on the other side. ya ya ya

I teach it, I preach it, and now I'm living it like never before.

I know I will get through this. I also know it will be a significant mark on my spiritual journey. For I know this to be true... while some call this "No man's land" I call it "no man's land - just 'God and me' land."

So where am I? I am bobbing about the rest of the summer's journey. And will be for some time.

Am I lost? not so much, just not in familiar territory.

And trying to keep my foot dry. (it is healing well, I understand as Paige said, "it's a healthy pink and scarring really well)